On wanting to write
You probably have experience with desire... god knows i've had my share. Sometimes i crave something sweet, sometimes savory, sometimes i want chaos, and other times a little rest. Lately i've been playing with the idea of breathing new life into this website. To accomplish this i need to dodge shame for my blazing mediocrity and percieve this website more like a digital garden full of half finished pet projects. I think i would like to start writing a few essays but how do i set myself to writing, or rephrased, how do i fullfill my desire of wanting to write, or even wanting to be someone who'd want to write... This is not a craving easily satisfied. In philosophy we like to nitpick about things like essences so of course we distinguish multiple orders of desire.1 Why bother keeping things simple when we can complexify beyond comprehension, right? My desire to write essays sounds like it might be a second or third order desire, let's explore what this means.
First order desires are like the things i described in the first few sentences, you 'want' something that is easliy satisfied: Either you decide to act on your craving and get that sweettooth it's share, or you don't and work on flattening curves instead. Second order cravings are one step removed from actual experience and they describe things like: i wish i wouldn't crave for sweets or - the whole reason for writing here - i wish i'd write more. Second order desires can be conflicting and therefore dificult to deal with. Third order desires are way out there and feel a bit like placing accountability outside yourself, desires like: i wish i was a person who'd want to write more. There is discussion as this may lead to an infinite regression, we could for instance think up a fourth-order desire in which i would want to be a person would want to be a person who'd want to write more, or a fifth..., sixth... etcetera ad infinitum.
Infinite regressions are fun but crash computers as well as brains.. But the problem perists, how do i set myself to writing? Luckily, for me, there is a surprisingly easy and fullfilling answer to this problem: Love!2 We can't always decide what we desire, sometimes it just happens; we feel love for something or someone. This love precedes rationality and gives us reasons to do things. Therein lies a sollution, you don't have to analyse your desires ad infinitum, there simply is stuff you love. The only thing that keeps me from doing things is actually reserving time for it, to accomplish that i need to decide if i love this particular thing enough to set myself to do it.